Goodbye PapaGarfield.



TODAY : 07 APRIL 2010

Aku bangun dengan harapan. Harapan baru. Aku dah fikir masak-masak. Aku akan ikut kata hati aku. Aku sik tauk bena atau x keputusan aku tok tapi akan aku teruskan. PapaGarfield ! I need to forget bout you from now on. I need strenght. Sooner or later I know I can. All I need now is TIME. Aku x dapat EXPRESS perasaan aku kat nya. It's ok. Aku anggap aku lemah. Aku takut dengan keadaan. It's MY BAD ! I admitted it. Just let this feeling gone away slowly and slowly. Let's time handle everything.

Apa yang ada dalam kepala aku kinektok, aku benci cinta. I hate to falling in love anymore. I hate something that we called LOVE. Love Hurts ! Love Lier ! Love make me feel SUCKS ! It hurts when the one you love the most ignores you or give LESS attention on you. It hurts when they give us LESS importance cause of others stuff. We don't speak a work. Neither oppose but it HURTS ! Why don't you understand that it hurts when you ignore me ???!!! :( I'm getting to start a NEW LIFE. All I need now is TIME. Just let times do that.. (:

Hmm,, aku ingat aku akan FREE after ku lepas "NYA" dari hidup ku tapi lain pula jadinya. Ku ingat keadaan jadi OKAY paduhal keadaan jadi NOT OKAY ! Aduhh,, kenak owh ?? He appear like a dream to me. He's come and changed the way that I've plans. Something that I never choose. It's really-really UNEXPECTEDLY. Terkejut ku dengan semua yang berlaku tok. Kedak orang Culture Shock jak rasa ku. Semua benda tok terjadi sepintas lalu jak. Benar-benar berik impak besar kat aku eyh. Trauma rasa ku kinek. Kedak baru bangun dari KOMA pun ada. Adohaiii,, what happened to me actually ?? What's wrong with me ba ?? Semua yang ku rasa serba sik kena jak. Almost gila dah ku rasa. Am I goin' insane soon ?? I love the way you smiles, to me. The way you talked with me. The way how you comfort me with your laughter. I'm so lost without YOU ! But I need to let you go my Papa Garfield. I WILL LET YOU GO. I will..........

From now on, i'm back to basic. I'll back to my REAL life. Life without you. Without love. Now, i'm alone. I have nothing to "take care" anymore. Just take care of myself. Ugagagagaaaa ! Hati ku terasa kosong bah. Jiwa kacau lalu rasa ku aiee. Argh ! Susah-susah. Time sepi ngan sunyi camtok aku teringat lalu-lalu "with everything about my PAST..." Damn ! Sucks ! I'm so damn fucking miss everything about my past. I miss everything about "HIM a.k.a BIE".... ): Teringat time dolok-dolok time ku gik couple dengan nya.. Ishh,, although "him" selalu molah hidup ku rasa dalam neraka tapi aku sik penah rasa nya molah hidup ku sepi ngan sunyi kedak kinektok. Aok,, memang aku ngan nya sik serasi, sik sefahaman tapi ada part dalam diri nya yang molah aku SUKA dengan nya.. Rindu ku dengan BIE aieee.. Ingin ku mok cari Bie share dengan Bie apa yang ku rasa kinek tapi aku sikpat. Sikda sebab aku mok carik Bie gik eyh. Aku dah janji dengan diri aku yang aku sik akan pernah cari Bie gik. PLUS aku tauk Bie dah ada new life nektok. Aku tauk Bie sedang happy dengan someone else. Sik mok ku kaco. Ku sikmok merosak kebahagiaan Bie. Biarlah Bie bahagia dengan life Bie. Aku bahagia bila nangga Bie bahagia. Aku tauk mesti Bie ingat aku pun bahagia juak. Tapi Bie SALAH. Since the day aku dengan Bie Break Off, aku sik penah rasa aku bahagia. 0.1% pun aku sik rasa BAHAGIA. Huhu....... Kinek baru aku benar-benar rasa KEHILANGAN. Rasa ya tiba-tiba ada bila aku rasa aku "PERNAH MEMILIKI" Bieeeee. I miss YOU so much "My Gendut".... I hope you know that I do still missing you everyday eventho we were not couple anymore. Deeply, i'm still LOVING you but I can't stay with you anymore. I don't know why BIE. It's not easy as how I wishes for. I just can't go any further than this. That's why. Maybe we're NOT MEANT TO BE. Bie,, i'm so SORRY ! Please forgive me for everything wrong that I've done to you. I never meant to do those things to you. I never meant to leave you and Hurting you. Now I hate myself for Hurting you.....

Tiba-tiba aku teringat dengan lagu LUNA : Dan Sebenarnya....

Oh bulan !
Enggan melayani diriku lagi
Pabila air mata membasahi pipi
Dan lagu-lagu di radio seolah-olah memerli aku
Pabila kau bersama yang lain.

Ku enggan berpura pura ku bahagia
Ku enggan melihat kau bersama si dia
Ku akui cemburu telah menular dalam diri
Pabila, kau bersama yang lain.

Pabila kau merenung matanya
Ku rebah jatuh ke bumi
Di saat kau benar-benar mahu pergi
Seperti ku bernafas dalam air.

Adakah perasaaan benci ini sebenarnya cinta
Yang masih bersemadi untukmu ??
Dan sebenarya ku mengharapkan
Di sebalik senyuman mu itu
Kau juga merindui aku !


p/s :
Dedicated this song to "My Gendut".
Wishing him all the best.
GBU always and forever.


Alalalalaaaa.... Apa gik owh ?? Terlalu teruklah the begin of my years 2010. Last years aku benar-benar harap life aku feel more better tapi more worst pula jadi nya. Tok kah namanya Lumrah Dunia ?? Atau semua yang terjadi tok berpunca dari aku pun ?? Tertanya-tanya jak ku. Atau bena kata orang "Everythings happened there must be a reasons why......" I beleive in it. What goes around will turn around. God is Alive and God is Fair...... That's all.... (:



-withlovejen-

1 comments:

-withlovejen- said...

olalalala... testing.

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